You know of a spouse who is being continually abused by her husband? I feel really bad for this girl, her husband wont let her have a phone, car, money. He hits her and verbally abuses her on a regular basis. I just feel so bad for her. Can I say something to someone or does she have to do it herself? 

if u hear it i would call pmo..unfortunalty i was in the same situation u are in, and not much is going to be dne unless they press charges, or things are really bad, like bruising..or she ends up in the hospital 

If she is your friend I would talk to her & see if she will file a report & press charges against him. Our neighbors do this a lot & theres not to much pmo has done.the wife never leaves the house.Its really sad & I feel horrible. 

Yup, unfortunately if she's not willing to press charges against him then PMO and Sheriff's hands will be tied. They can file charges, but a lot of times without a victim's cooperation the charges will get dismissed. 

Yup, unfortunately if she's not willing to press charges against him then PMO and Sheriff's hands will be tied. yup pretty much sucks..especially since like in some other cases (chris brown and rihanna) she didnt press charges the state of ca, did 

but a lot of times without a victim's cooperation the charges will get dismissed. very true.Most of the time they are so scared of what the spouse is going to do to them for pressing charges so they go back & say it never happend. 

If she does want help, you can take her up to Joshua Tree to the Unity Home. They have an office there and then they transfer their clients to an undisclosed safe house. Keep in mind, she may become defensive when you bring it up... The best thing you can do is just be there for her. 

u know..my friend..wow she was beat by her husband, as my hubby was on the way to get her hubby to do something, and then not even 2 minutes after she left i got a phone call of her saying 'he hit me and i cant move' ....yup ambulance was called, and the only thing he worried about was her story and if it would match his. super shady if u ask me..the worse part was pmo and the sheriffs that came know those type of injuries and there was no way they could be dne 'just wrestling' 

Yeah the state of CA can press charges in any case. The District Attorney will review the case and then file charges for the victim. 

Thanks for all the info everyone. Things to add: They have an 8month old baby and live in 801- I live on base so I never hear it. Would saying anything to one of the Chaplains help? Would they visit her? 

hhmm i live in 801..i wish i knew her..so that way she could come here if she ever need a place to stay..we have a child too so it wouldnt be an issue 

You could try. I've never dealt with the Chaplain for situations like that so I'm not exactly sure, but at the very least it'll help make you feel better and hopefully get something started. It's such a grey area when it comes to abuse because if she is approached she could deny the whole thing and say that you're just trying to start problems for her and her husband. 

she could deny the whole thing and say that you're just trying to start problems for her and her husband. that when the hubby starts getting mad at u and can possibly make things work..see thats wat sucks about this kinda stuff the more u want to help sometimes the worse it gets, but then at the same time u want to help so that itll all stop..i am however worried about the child..maybe u can call cps? see if they will investigate 

maybe u can call cps? see if they will investigate  That's a good idea. 

Yup and you can do it anonymously. 

then ur not giving up ur name, and since they are in 801 it could be anyone..these walls r thin 

You cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped. You can do all you kind to try and help, but it wont make a difference unless they want things to change. I have seen plenty of friends go through this, and it just makes me sick to my stomach, I tried so many different things to help, but nothing did. As you go through life and see things you come to realize you cant change someone or there situation for them, they have to want to do it themselves. The really sad part is a child is involved, and it can become a very bad situation for the child. But do you want to put yourself out there and call CPS? They say you can call anonymously but they will ask your name and want your info. If you dont give them your name they might not take you seriously. They say the parent wont know who called, but the parents end up being told who called. If you think the child is endanger I say you call. If not, I would see if maybe I could get her family info. Is she close to them? If so, call them if you can get the info. These situations are so hard and there is never a clear answer. 

Its not true that she does not want help or to be helped. Often times these men seclude the wife so much, and fill their heads with cr*p that they are convinced this is the only way. If she won't ask for help, ask for help for her. IF his command is notified they will force counseling and keep an eye out. I knew a couple like that, a court martial was filed and , but because she would not testify not coviction . It is the same in the civilian world. It either that or unfortunately you have to stay out of it and just be there as a friend, but not an enabler. Meaning tell her she needs to ask for help, this is wrong. 

i have been there! tried to help. i was the one who ended up getting burned. I persoanlly would stay out of it. u can do what u feel is right for u? 

btw if the command is notified by a outside party(as in my case) they still cant do anything unless the wife is willing to stand up for her self. in our situation i was disscussing the situation with my husband at wk and his master sargent over heard n called the command. nothing was done. she denied everything! 

When I was in nursing school, they told us that nothing can be done about spousal abuse, unless the spouse wants something done. With child and elderly abuse, the medical staff is allowed to report it, but with spousal abuse they can't. I hope the child isn't being hurt, but if he/she is then CPS will be able to get in there and do something about it. As long as they get the evidence they need. 

Stay out of it unless asked for help or you witness something and have to call the police. Like everyone said - unless they want help - there is nothing you can do. I've helped people that have gone back to their abuser as well. You can only do so much to help someone who won't help themselves. And, you also have to consider retribution from trying to help someone - a situation can turn on you like that. 

ive been in an abuse situation before, trust me whoever this is will thank you in the end. they may get extremely mad that someone made a report though, because if the hubs finds out, he may hit her or abuse her even more because obviously she told someone about what hes been doing. of course, someone could have heard it or seen it, but if he is really abusive, he would likely just assume that she let the word out. just look out for her. i would make a report, and see how it goes from there. they wont do anything unless she admits it, or presses charges, but if enough reports are made within a certain amount of time, they will have to investigate it. and if they have kids, they take the situation way more seriously. 

ive been in an abuse situation before, trust me whoever this is will thank you in the end. dont always count on that! 

ive been in an abuse situation before, trust me whoever this is will thank you in the end. dont always count on that! oh so people like being abused?? YOUR OUT OF YOUR MIND 

Don't even bother DJS Mommy ...she doesn't get what you said. 

Don't even bother DJS Mommy ...she doesn't get what you said. i wasnt going too! sence i was abused in my last relationship, i have no leg to stand on what so ever. Carry one people... nothing to see here 

i just wanna say this much . From my experiance n others that i was told in my recovery group. A woman will leave when shes had enough. NO ONE can help her if she doesnt want help. AND when she does, she will take every out reached arm there is. but like i said i know nothing... 

A woman will leave when shes had enough. NO ONE can help her if she doesnt want help. AND when she does, she will take every out reached arm there is. Kinda says it all doesn't it.....